Things That Must Go

I have had a grumpy day.  Today, this blog is truly a rant.  I am not aiming this at any person in particular.  I love you all.  Hugs and kisses.  If you're not in the mood, scroll down to the Things That Must Stay.  But please, chime in if you're with me on this list of Things That Must Go:

1.  People at the grocery store that run into a friend in the cereal aisle, stop their carts next to each other, and delve into a deep and serious conversation, all while you're standing there trying to get to the Cheerios.  Same goes for those who stop in the middle of the aisle to call their spouse about which brand of toilet paper to buy, leaving a space 6 inches smaller than your cart on each side of them.  No, I'm not listening in on your convo, I'm just trying to get by.  I know everyone does this sometimes, myself included.  But people, if someone says politely, "Excuse me," don't look at them blankly and keep chatting.  Move!  Or I'll run into the back of your legs with my cart!  (Can you tell I went grocery shopping today?)

2.  Ginormous SUVs and trucks that take up 2 spots on the front row of a crowded church parking lot.  I'm just saying.  It may be a tight squeeze, but I know you can do it, even if it takes 2 tries. 

3.  Hidden insults.  Example:  "That shirt is way too big on me.  It would be perfect for you."  Or "It's so cute how you talk about really insignificant things all the time."  You know what I mean.  It's not nice.  It just makes me feel bad about myself. 

4.  Nagging me about something by someone who does the EXACT SAME THING.  Hey, wait, is that what I'm doing right now?  Oops.  But here's an example I'll throw out there:  "You shouldn't talk so much about yourself.  So what was I saying about my super important life?"  While the nagging probably is aimed at something I should improve on, just self-monitor a little before telling me how to change my life. 

5.  Lite ice cream.  I'm talking to you, Dreyers.  If you're going to make fake ice cream, make the "lite" in big bold bright red letters so I don't keep accidentally buying it.  When I buy ice cream, it's not to lose weight.  You suck me in with names like "Super Fudge Brownie Caramel Peanut Butter Delight" and when I get home it tastes wrong wrong wrong.  And then I notice the miniscule writing at the bottom that says, "lite frozen dairy product."  (I guess I could read the labels better...)

6.  Disney's stupid vault.  I have been waiting for nearly 8 years to buy Beauty and the Beast because we were dirt poor when it came out on DVD last.  I'm sure their fancy number crunchers figured out that they'd somehow make more money by pulling their movies off the shelf after a month.  Don't you think they'd make more money if people like me could go to the store any time and buy their movies?  Usually their movies come out on DVD just when our overdraft is full.  Argh.  And I'm not going to spend a hundred bucks for it on ebay.

7.  I'm sorry, baseball fans, but all these playoffs must go.  They are messing up my TV shows. 

Now for the positive side of things.  This is not necessarily a list of things that mean the most to me, just things that could disappear, but I don't want them to.  Here is my list of Things That Must Stay:

1.  Friends and family that remember your birthday.  I know I'm a grown-up now, and that birthdays aren't supposed to be that big a deal, but it's the one day that's just for you.  I think it's nice to be celebrated and spoiled for a day.  And I have some great friends and family that do that for me. 

2.  Reusable shopping bags.  I know they're great for the environment, and that's why we have them.  But my favorite thing about them is how vast they are and the fact that I don't have to get 12 Walmart bags every time I go to the store (my dental floss doesn't need its own bag).   

3.  The Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock, and The Office.  Everyone needs to laugh out loud.  I know I do.  These shows do it for me.  Please don't get cancelled. 

4.  Mint chocolate M&Ms.  And while we're listing good chocolatey stuff, mint truffle kisses, 3 Musketeers, and all things Lindt. 

5.  My new elliptical, combined with my iPod.  I finally have a motivation to work out, besides my ever expanding waistline.  I get to listen to my favorite tunes while exercising, and I can do it in my own room, whenever I want, without worrying about being cute at the gym. 

6.  Pixar.  Thank you for being funny and creative, and keeping your DVDs available all the time.  That came in very handy when our copy of Toy Story 2 was lost and we were on a road trip and were sheer desperados for something for Jacob to watch.  It also means I can buy Ratatouille once I'm tired of it taking up space on my DVR.

7.  Girls' night out.  I'm talking about book groups, movie nights, craft nights, and nights where we sit around and chat.  I love them, I need them, and I don't want them to ever go away.

There are more items I could add to each list, but I think I am done.  I am not nearly as grumpy anymore.  Of course, it's a new day, and I haven't made it to Walmart yet.  So we'll see...

Dear BYU football team,

Make it work.

Love,
Rachel

I Declare Fashion Independence

This morning I was getting dressed to go out to lunch with some friends, and, after a lot of consideration, ended up in jeans and a t-shirt.  Fancy, I know.  It's my style.  It's what I do daily.  I try to keep the cut of my jeans current, and the length of the T-shirt up-to-date.  And I have been attempting to avoid shoes that scream 1995, which is hard, since I own a LOT of shoes that scream 1995.  So this morning, after being fed up with not fitting into my clothes and feeling a little on the drab side, I decided I DON'T CARE.  That's right.  I don't care if some snooty lady in the Upper East Side in New York decided that Doc Martins are "out" and decided that it would be much better if we stuffed our toes in pointy, spike-heeled devices of torture to feel cute when we go to the supermarket.  I have 6 pairs of Doc Martins, they weren't cheap, and I LIKE THEM.  They're my style.  They are comfy and broken in, I have them in brown and black, they keep my feet warm, and I don't feel weird walking through Walmart when I wear them, because I'm not limping and leaving a trail of blood behind me as I shop.

I have nothing against other people dressing fashionably.  I envy them.  They can wear all the current stuff, look fabulous in it, and it seems to suit their style.  And I'm not denying that I love buying new clothes.  I am currently awaiting the arrival of a very cute pair of True Religion jeans that are fancy and stylish.  I am just saying, I'm not going to stop myself from wearing something I like, like my 6 pairs of Docs, just because it's no longer 1995.  It will save me a lot of time when I'm figuring out my outfits.   My brown boots will go great with my new jeans.  Frankly, I can't afford to replace my entire closet full of shoes every time someone decides that the sole on a shoe should be as thin as possible and there should always be a 4-inch heel involved.  And guess what?  Doc Martin actually sells shoes in my size, unlike all other shoe companies that sell grownup shoes.  (I do have a lovely pair of Power Puff Girls sneakers, which I purchased in the kids' department after failing to find a good adult shoe.)  So, when '90s fashion makes a triumphant return (do we really have to repeat the '80s?  Leggings, really?), I'll be prepared with my closet full of Docs.

Status update

Have you noticed that the majority of my recent posts are lists of small blurbs?  I have found lately that I have a hard time coming up with more than a sentence or two at a time.  I blame facebook.  I have spent a lot of time on facebook lately, and, unless I've been tagged and am answering a hundred random questions about my personal life, all I write is a status update.  A blurb about my life.  "Rachel just did the dishes."  "Rachel wishes she were asleep and not up with a baby right now."  "Rachel wishes she had not showered today, because of the mirror across from her clear, glass shower that gave her an excellent view of all that cake she's been eating this week."  Because of facebook, my mind has begun to think in status updates.  It's a good thing I don't twitter.

Here's a status update for you, blog style:  Rachel finds Halloween looming and has agreed to SEW (your jaws are dropping in horror, I know, especially those of you who have lived with me and know I lack all domestic talents) all of the costumes this year.  The family is doing a Star Wars theme, which means Jedi costumes for Tim and Jacob, a Yoda costume for Tyler, and, of course, Princess Leia for Rachel (because there is no way in heck she can sew a Queen Amidala dress plus do that kind of hair).  Rachel will not be wearing the Return of the Jedi costume (although it would use less fabric and require less sewing), but will be wearing the white, extremely modest dress, unless she gives up and ends up wearing a Halloween T-shirt.  One costume is done, 3 to go. 

How's that for a blurb?  I need to take a break from facebook and remind myself that life is more than sentence-long updates.  When I get there, I will write a nice long entry that is thought-provoking and, hopefully, kind of funny.

I love Tim

This is not an ode to my husband.  I do love him.  Who couldn't?  But this post is not about him.

I love Tim Gunn.  LOVE HIM!  And it's not just that his voice is hypnotic and he dresses impeccably.  It's that he seems to really care about people.  Does anyone remember when he was on Biggest Loser and helped all the contestants with makeovers?  That was the first time I ever saw him, and I have loved him ever since.  So, why this love fest?  Last night on Project Runway, the designers were assigned recent divorcees, and had to make their old wedding dresses into a new, fabulous outfit.  Their names were drawn out of the bag, and they got to pick their divorcee (and dress) when their name was pulled.  Of course, the dresses with the most fabric got picked first.  Poor poor Shirin was picked last, and was stuck with the smallest dress and the craziest divorcee.  The client wanted a Cher outfit.  Really.  With feathers and a headress.  So Shirin bought feathers.  She tried, and was miserably failing, so when Tim Gunn came in and told her it was not working, she broke down into tears (as anyone would who had to make something with peacock feathers).  Did anyone else get a little misty when Tim Gunn hugged her and comforted her and told her to clear her table and play with the textiles?  I'm talking to you, Rachel K.  I know you were with me on this one.  There just aren't many reality shows that show mercy to the contestants.  And I think Shirin's win was due to the kindness she got from Tim.  It was a nice illustration of the power of positive teaching. 

Now, not everyone was so lucky.  I was sad that the bottom 3 were Christopher, Epperson and Logan, because I love all of them.  I was relieved that it was Epperson that left, though, because, as nice a guy as he seems to be, he's just not as appealing as either Christopher or Logan.  Note to Christopher, though:  Stop crying.  Please.  Just stop.  And I would have worn the tinfoil dress.  I would have worn it to drop off Jacob at preschool.  I'm into shiny things.  So even if it would have made the worst dressed list for a celeb, it would have made it into my closet, and I would have rocked it for you. 

I can't wait to see what's next.  I would really like for them to design something for a housewife.  Made entirely of baby products and dryer sheets.

More random thoughts

The blog is called Random Rants, so that's what you're going to get, because I haven't really done much that's that interesting, but I do have a few things to say.  So this may seem a bit repetitive.  Welcome to my world!

1.  The TV show Robin Hood totally made me into a liar!  Here I was, trying to get other people hooked on the show, or, more specifically, Richard Armitage, and what do they do?  They send Guy of Gisborne away for 2 weeks!  So, if you have started watching and are wondering what the heck I was talking about, because there is no hot guy in leather pants that is torn between good and evil, that is because the day after I posted that entry, he disappeared.  Maybe he's filming a romantic comedy.  Let's hope so.  They have now teased me by saying he will be back next week.  I hope it's true.  So if I talked you into watching the show, hang in there.  He'll be back.

2.  I just started reading a book called "Good Omens" by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.  It's hilarious, and I really should be reading it instead of writing this.  It's exactly what I'm in the mood for right now, because it got all chilly and rainy this week, and what I need is a good laugh in this kind of weather.  Who's with me?

3.  Does anyone have any tips on how to like eating healthy food?  I'm just not interested in veggies right now, but really should be.  There will be a high school reunion in the summer, I think, and I want to look fabulous. 

4.  46 days until New Moon.  Have you seen Taylor Lautner lately?  So much better.  Which isn't hard, since he looked like a 12-year-old little girl in Twilight.  So I feel like I can still be a Jacob fan without losing face. 

5.  Last thing:  Has anyone been at a performance of some kind and been asked, "Is there a doctor in the house?"  Well, I have, on Friday.  We were at a performance of "Into the Woods" and there was a piece of the set that was a giant tree that rotated so it could also serve as Granny's house, Rapunzel's tower, and Cinderella's mother's grave.  After Little Red Riding finished her big solo, she ran back into Granny's house, the house started rotating and there was a blood-curdling scream.  My first thought was, "I don't remember that part," and then Cinderella's mom popped out of the tree and asked for "Dad", and the Narrator came to the front and asked, "Is there a doctor in the house?"  And, it being a full house, there was a doctor in the house.  Then the curtain dropped and someone finally turned off Little Red Riding Hood's mike.  And those fabulous cast members pulled it together and finished the show.  Ugly Stepsister subbed for Little Red, and some high school kid that had been interning or something drove over from her house to finish for Ugly Stepsister.  I was quite impressed that they finished.  The injury ended up being a broken or sprained ankle.  Ouchy.  Not fun AT ALL.  My aunt and uncle were the directors, and apparently, they pushed Little Red around in a wheelchair for closing night on Saturday.  Awesome.  I'm still waiting for someone to come to the stage and say, "Is there a flute teacher/performer in the house?"  I'm all over that.