My Plan

Saturday night, Tim and I were heading to a church meeting, and I had to try on 3 skirts before I could get one to zip up.  And I decided right then and there that it was time for me to get serious.  I needed a real plan.  One that would reduce the size of my ever-growing posterior and deflate my spare tire.  I have been "trying" for 16 months to get off the baby fat, and so far, I've lost a total of 2 pounds.  Pathetic.  Here's my plan.  If you have any additional suggestions, please, suggest away.

1.  Exercise.  I've moonlighted at exercise for a year now, and have lasted 2 or 3 weeks at the most, before I've gotten sick or travelled or gotten discouraged.  I'm doubling up to make up for the lost time.  Instrument of Torture #1 is Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred.  It's painful, it's brutal, it's annoying, and it makes you hurt.  And it is extremely effective, and only 25 minutes long.  So you may want to die the whole time, but it's over quickly, and every muscle in your body has just gotten a great workout.  Tim and I take turns guilting each other into doing it after the boys are in bed.  So far it's been working pretty well.  Instrument of Torture #2 is the elliptical.  It sits by our bed and is a daily reminder of my need to exercise.  Tim gets up at the ridiculous hour of 5:20, does his time on the machine, then harasses me until I roll out of bed and do my time.  Tim is really good at removing me from bed.  Maybe all this exercise will give me enough strength to defend myself from his relentless tickling. 

2.  Diet.  Oh, how I hate that word.  I'm using the word hate here.  I like food.  But not all food.  Just the yummy kind.  You know, chocolate, creamy sauces, chocolate, filet mignon, ice cream, Wendy's Big Bacon Classic with a Frostee and fries, and chocolate.  I don't like vegetables, whole wheat bread, tofu, skim milk, and anything that is labeled as a dessert but doesn't have anything sweet or chocolatey in it.  I'm sorry, but an apple with a little bit of cinnamon is NOT dessert.  You see why I haven't been losing weight? 

So here's my plan, and this is where any helpful suggestions and recipes would be fab.  My friend introduced me to the "Eat This, Not That" book series.  It lists foods we love and gives us the skinny (or the fat) on its dietary value.  For example, a Coldstone shake has something like 3000 calories and 250 grams of fat in it. (!!!)  It doesn't just tell you, "Look how bad this stuff is."  It says, "Instead of this, eat this equally delicious dish, and it only has 150 calories and 15 grams of fat."  That's information that is useful to me.  I bought the "Cook This, Not That" book, and it breaks down the types of food we cook (crock pot, stir fry, grill, baked), and makes a list of ingredients that are commonly used in cooking, and rates them from healthiest to unhealthiest.  It gives you lists of cooking fats and oils, marinades, spreads, and even cuts of meats.  And then it gives you a whole load of recipes, complete with nutritional information.  It also compares its meals to a similar restaurant meal and shows how much fat and calories can be cut by cooking at home.  So far, I have made Pesto Gnocchi with tomatoes and green beans, and Stuffed Chicken with Roasted Red Peppers and Spinach.  They have both tasted fantastic, and have included protein, vegetable and carb.  I admit, the Stuffed Chicken was a little stressful (don't overpound your chicken), but at least it tasted super good.  So, the plan is to make delicious food that includes veggies without tasting like veggies, stop eating out so much, and keep my portions reasonable.  For my other meals, I'm including whole grains (ugh, but jam helps) and healthy cereal.  I bought chocolate yogurts to satisfy my sweet tooth.  If I know dinner will taste okay, I can live with whole wheat toast and Grape Nuts.  No more second helpings, no more delicious white bread sandwiches, and no more making a huge batch of chocolate chip cookies, then eating them all in 2 days. 

So, why am I telling you this?  This is Part 3 of the plan.  If this bores you guys to death, I'm sorry, but I have to put my money where my mouth is.  If people I see regularly know that I'm doing this, they'll either notice I'm losing weight, or not losing weight.  And I don't want people I know to look at me and say, "Man, she must not be working out anymore.  Look at the size of her butt!"  (To themselves, of course.  If they said it to my face I'd probably slap them.)  So please, hold me responsible.  I have lofty goals and clothes I love hiding in my basement closet.  At I'd at least like to fit into my church clothes that I fit into 2 months ago.  Thanks for bearing with me through this long post.  It's what I do.

Mindless Twit

I haven't posted much in a while.  There's a reason for that.  My brain has been stolen.  It's gone.  I'd like it back, but I don't even know where to begin looking for it.  In an attempt to reclaim it, here are some of the activities I've taken up:

1.  I'm reading "Gone With the Wind."  It was supposed to be done last week for book group, but I put off starting it for weeks, because I was busy rereading other stuff so I wouldn't have to think while I read.  So now I'm reading it, and thoroughly enjoying it.  It's fun (is that the right word, when discussing the Civil War?) to read about places I've been, like Atlanta, Augusta, and the South in general.  I can picture the moss-hung trees, the swampy land, the vine-covered forests, and the enormous plantation homes because I've seen them firsthand.  While the descriptions are detailed, my experience in the South has made reading the book richer and more interesting.  Plus, I feel like I'm learning a ton of stuff about the Civil War I don't remember from my days in US History 17 years ago.

2.  I attempted today and yesterday to practice the piano.  I say attempt, because 2 minutes in, Jacob brought in a teddy bear to "help me play the piano," the phone rang, and Tyler had a poopy diaper.  But the point is, I tried.  Usually, when I'm involved in music, it wakes up my brain and gives me an emotional boost as well.  Attempts will continue to be made until I am successful (which may be when Jacob's in kindergarten and Tyler's potty trained). 

3.  I have cut out "The Bachelor" from my TV line-up.  It made me dumber by the second, and I couldn't take any more of the tears and smeared mascara.  Ugh.  Plus, it freed me up for other things, like my 1000 page book!  I have also started fast-forwarding Jillian's therapy sessions with her bawling, exhausted Biggest Loser competitors, as well as all the nasty back-biting and game play.  I just go right to the weigh-ins, because that's the good part of The Biggest Loser.  It saves me hours of pointless TV, and still inspires me to lose weight.

4.  Lately, when I've watched TV, I've been semi-comatose on my new couch, forming my new butt groove and letting the entertainment wash over me.  I was cleaning out my closet earlier this week and came across a crosstitch of Buzz Lightyear that I promised to make for Jacob 2 years ago.  I started up again on it, and am determined to finish it by Christmas.  I like doing something with my hands while I watch TV.  I feel a lot less like a slug.

5.  I have an obsession that started my freshman year of college when I started eating lunch with some old high school friends.  It's crossword puzzles.  I love having a book of puzzles to do on a plane or in the car on a long trip, and I really enjoy doing them online.  I went on a crossword hiatus for a while, I think because I kept getting frustrated when my fuzzy, sleep-deprived brain couldn't come up with any answers.  I started back up at Thanksgiving, because my dad had an app on his iPhone that was NY Times crosswords, which we enjoy doing together.  I was reminded that I really do enjoy a good crossword.  I am certain my brain is slowly finding its way home now.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why my posts have been few and far between, and why, if all goes according to plan, I will have something witty to say in a few months, when my head has its old friend back.

Lost in Austen

Have I mention Lost in Austen before?  Because if I haven't, shame on me.  Recently, we purchased a Blu-Ray player that also streams Netflix, and I have been having quite a fun time with it.  I found out that Lost in Austen was available for streaming, and, while my boys played in the basement, I enjoyed all 3 and some-odd hours of it.

As someone who owns several movie versions of Jane Austen's books, I have, more than once, lost myself in the romantic stories about unrequited love and proper behavior.  Imagine coming home from a horrible day at work, settling down with Pride and Prejudice for a quiet evening with Mr. Darcy, and having your boorish boyfriend come over and turning on a soccer match.  And then proposing with the tab from his beer can.  Escape would be welcome, wouldn't it?  (For me, it's grumpy, sick kids.)  And this is the escape Amanda gets, when she goes into her bathroom after just such a night, and Elizabeth Bennett is standing in her bathtub, declaring that she has come through a special door from the world of Pride and Prejudice.  Amanda goes through the door, and is immersed in the story of Pride and Prejudice just after "Netherfield has been let at last."  She meets Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy, causing confusion and wreaking havoc on the well-known story.  You get to see the true nature of Mr. Collins, find out what really happened between Georgiana and Mr. Wickham, and see what might have happened if Lizzy never met Mr. Darcy.  The entire show is full of clever twists and turns, and lets you in on how bewildering it would be to be thrown into a different era (how in the heck did they brush their teeth, for one?).  It is funny and entertaining and even heart-warming at times.  For me, it's like watching Galaxy Quest after growing up watching Star Trek.  I get the jokes.   Come over anytime.  We can watch it together.