Done and done. Phew.

I didn't wear a t-shirt with a giant picture of Edward, Bella and Jacob on the front. I didn't read the illustrated movie companion. I didn't get to the theater an hour early just to take pictures of myself by the cardboard cutouts of the Cullens. But I did go to the first showing on the release date of "Breaking Dawn, Part 2." I am not a twihard, especially after Breaking Dawn, Part 1. (Remember the wolfy voices? Hee hee.) The reasons I went to the first showing are these:

1. I couldn't go Friday or Saturday, and since next week is Thanksgiving, I figured I needed to get it done this week.
2. It drives me bonkers to go into a movie after hearing a million different things about it. (No one told me about the wolfy voices in the last movie, though, or I may not have seen it at all.) I don't want to go in with any kind of opinion about a movie. I went into the first Harry Potter movie with ridiculously high expectations because of all the comments my friends had already made about it, and it was kind of a let-down. Not that I didn't like it. It just didn't blow me away. That might have had to do with the fact that it came out at the same time as The Fellowship of the Ring, which did blow me away, and which I saw on opening night. But I digress. The point I'm making is that the only expectations I had for this movie were created by my own past experience with these movies.
3. There were tickets available.

I went into the movie with pretty low expectations. The fact that in Part 1 the entire audience was laughing at scenes that were supposed to be serious didn't bode well for the end of the movie series. Kristen Stewart was still going to be Kristen Stewart. The book it was based on was still a turd that they were attempting to polish. You may be asking, "Why go in the first place?" Tradition. That's why. I have gone with my friends to every Twilight movie, and I wasn't about to stop now, in the final stretch. So I went, expecting to get a good laugh for the night and be done with the series.

I was pleasantly surprised. Here's why:
1. I did get quite a few laughs, but they were for stuff that was supposed to be funny. (What a concept, right?)
2. There were no wolfy voices, just meaningful nods through windows. (I'm pretty sure there was some negative feedback that was heeded on this one.)
3. The turd that was the book (I'm sorry. The ending was so lame I wanted to hurl it against the wall, but I didn't because of how much I had spent on it) was improved on in a very surprising and fun way. I'm not going to spoil it for you. But just know, it's not so lame.
4. I had eaten a hot fudge sundae right before watching. That always puts me in a better frame of mind. It helped, I'm sure.
5. The soundtrack, which is what helped the other movies so much, also helped here. (I'm talking songs, not orchestral soundtrack. The jury's still out on the orchestral soundtrack. I'll probably need to see it again on DVD and get back to you.)
6. Kristen Stewart was still Kristen Stewart, but they've improved Robert Pattinson's appearance so much that I was willing to overlook Kristen.

Some problems:
1. The decapitated heads were just ridiculous. Seriously. I've seen a picture of a real one (don't ask), and it did NOT look silly. Maybe they knew a bunch of 12-year-old girls were going to be watching, and didn't want to scare them too much. But it kind of detracted from the drama they were going for.
2. The nudie scenes with Bella and Edward were gag-o-matic. And not just in the cheesy way (and it was cheesy).
3. The Amazon vampire ladies. They were a bit much.
4. Not enough Charlie. I can always use more Charlie. He's the best character in the whole business.

Overall, though, I won't feel nearly as bad buying this one on DVD. (I have a weird need to complete sets once I've started them. This is another reason the book Breaking Dawn wasn't in the trash can the second I finished it. Incidentally, I bought Part 1, but haven't watched it.) It's worth a look, even just for the improvement over the book.

Spies or Virals?

Winter isn't here quite yet. But I can feel it coming, and I'm ready for hibernation mode. My problem is that, when I have free time, I'm torn between cleaning, practicing the flute, reading a good book, and watching TV. I usually end up sort of cleaning something while I watch TV. (Mostly, I stand there with cleaning implements in hand, attention on the TV. It's not very effective.) When it gets cold outside, I lose any motivation to clean when I have a minute, and all I want to do is bundle up in a soft blanket and either read or watch TV. Which leads me to the point of this post. It's getting cold outside, especially in the mornings. I've been doing a lot of TV watching and reading.

What have I been watching, you ask? Alias. I watched this entire series 8 years ago when I was pregnant with Jacob and I was in the South in the early part of the sticky, hot summer. After 3 kids and 8 years, I don't remember a thing about what I watched. So when I saw that Netflix was streaming the series, I began watching immediately. Here's what I've learned about being a spy and the seedy underworld in which master criminals operate:

1. No one is ever really dead. They've either faked their death using that stuff from sea urchins, have been cloned, have been cryogenically frozen then brought back to life, or were wearing kevlar without telling their buddies and were relocated to a secret location in the Caymans until the danger was over.

2. Don't trust anyone. Everyone's a double agent. Except Marshall.

3. Bad guys operate out of night clubs. Without exception. This makes it necessary, if you're a spy, to own a large wardrobe consisting of leather mini dresses and spiky jewelry, as well as a large supply of eyeliner and neon colored wigs.

4. Deals between crime lords usually take place behind granaries and industrial parks. There are a lot of those near my house. I'm guessing Ogden is a magnet for organized crime because of all the industrial areas in town.

5. Black sedans and SUVs are bad news.

6. And lastly, a tube of lipstick can be made into anything: a tiny gun, a usb drive, a fingerprint reproducer, a camera, a microphone, a retinal scanner, a parachute. And this is why I can't ever be a spy. I'd be made in seconds if someone saw me casually taking a tube of lipstick out of my purse. My kids don't even know what lipstick is, because they've never seen it at our house.

And what am I reading? A number of books, but now that I've started The Twelve, those books are going by the wayside until I finish this one. The Twelve is book two in a trilogy by Justin Cronin. It's not for the weak of heart. Book one, The Passage, was good enough that when I finished reading it, I had to buy a replacement copy for the friend that loaned it to me. I took it everywhere, and it had finger smudges on the cover from lotion that I was too impatient to rub in all the way before picking up the book again, the corners of the cover were getting a bit rounded and worn, and it got the tiniest bit of water damage from being in the same bag as a sippy cup for 5 minutes, before it got pulled out of the bag and read some more. Please note, book lending friends, that this treatment of a book isn't normal for me, and I make every effort of returning your book in the condition it was in upon lending. Which is why I bought my friend a new one. Anyway, this author knows how to write a good story, and that's why I'm in a bind.

I want to read The Twelve, I want to finish out Alias (is Arvin Sloane really turning back to his evil ways?), my floor needs mopping, and my feet need to be wrapped in a soft soft blanket out of the cold.  

...and After

Well, the contest is over. I'm still waiting to find out who won. I'm pretty sure I didn't win, because some of those other ladies rocked it. But I did pretty well. First, the pictures. The before pictures again (taken August 1st):

 And after (taken October 23):

So there's a difference. I've lost 17 pounds, a number I'm very proud of.   I still have about 4 pounds to go to get to my ideal weight. Not everything is flat and smooth in the right places yet, but I'm really close. And even if I didn't win the contest, I've figured out how much I can eat every day, what foods fill me up without packing on the pounds, and what to avoid. I've also learned a lot of self control. I am a huge fan of desserts. If there are naughty treats in the house, I want to eat them all day, and I did for a long time. I don't anymore. Having to account for every bite of food that goes into my mouth has helped me limit myself to one treat per day, if I can afford it. I still want to stuff my face all the time. But I know how much I'm paying for that indulgence. During the contest, I had one bad week where I didn't lose any weight, but I never had a week where I gained.

I went jeans shopping last week, thanks to my saint of a friend, who watched my kids while I spent an entire morning trying on clothes. For the first time in years, I didn't leave the store feeling horrible. I left with 2 pairs of jeans that were 3 sizes smaller than the ones I'd been wearing. That alone made all of this worth it.

My goal now is to maintain the healthy weight I've achieved, continue using self control, and maybe even get those last 4 pounds off. (It's all in the belly area, which is always the last to go for me. Ugh.) So there you go, folks. Done and done.

Just do it

If you are still reading my blog after all these posts, thanks. Now, if you're reading my blog and you haven't watched Vampire Diaries, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Season 3 was fantastic. I just watched all 5 discs from start to finish. All 3 seasons are on Netflix streaming now. No excuses people. Just do it.

Odds and Ends

I've been a teensy bit busy. So I haven't blogged for a while. Here's what's on my mind:

1. I've had some success with my weight loss goal. I'm down about 10 pounds so far. The problem is that the calories I'm cutting out are trying very hard to be replaced by dollars spent. I can only exercise self control in one area of my life. It's either do well with the budget or do well with the calories. The 10 pounds off my body has been gained in the form of shoes and jewelry. I went shopping on my birthday and bought 3 pairs of shoes and a pair of sunglasses. And I still had some birthday money left, so I went to a jewelry party and bought 5 new necklaces. Then I came home with my necklaces and spent an hour trying to find a new necklace hanger because the 5 new ones were getting tangled up with the other 5 I bought at the last party. And those 10 were getting tangled up with the ones I bought the last time I was trying to lose weight. (I have still not found a necklace storage unit that is satisfactory.) Here's the good news: If I keep this up, when it comes time to take my after picture, I will be skinny and have 200 fabulous accessories to choose from for the picture.

2. My friends and I watched the Pilot episode of "Beverly Hills, 90210." The good one, not that joke the CW threw together a few years ago. The one with the side burns and the bike shorts and the big hair. I remember when I was 13 and it was a brand new show. My parents absolutely forbid me to watch that trash. It was considered scandalous and racy, and I couldn't stand the fact that I wasn't allowed to watch it. Eventually, I went to college and watched every rerun I could get my eyes on. At that point, I was older, and shows had changed. Then we watched it this week, and, besides getting nostalgic over the clothes, I also realized just how much TV has changed in the last 20 years. That episode was cleaner than most cartoons that are on right now. Plus, the hairdos back then were SUH-WEET. I'm looking forward to watching some more. Also, I can take notes on which clothes are going to come back around in style so I can be ahead of the game. I'm on the lookout for some bike shorts to wear under my jean skirt. It's coming up soon, because I saw neon pink jeans at Walmart today.

3. I just finished watching the movie "Bernie." Awesome. I'm not even going to tell you what it's about. Just know Jack Black is in it as a Southerner that's slightly effeminate and who sings a lot. It's based on a true story, and there are a bunch of interviews with small town Southerners. Loved it.

4. Season 3 of Vampire Diaries on DVD is arriving at my house on Tuesday. I'm going to be waiting on my porch. 

Time to Change

I've just started a Biggest Loser contest. I've been whining for the past 9 months about how fat I am, but I've been unwilling to do anything about it. (Sorry to my friends who've listened to my whining, and thanks for not slapping me. I totally deserved to be slapped.) Today was the first day of the contest. I've got to keep track of my calories, exercise, drink an enormous amount of water, and weigh in once a week. This morning I did my before pictures. I'm going to post them as a motivation to post better ones in 12 weeks when the competition ends.

I'm not going to tell you what my starting weight is, but I'll tell you my goals:
To lose 20 pounds.
To exercise daily without dragging my feet.
To look super cute in a dress, which I will purchase as soon as my body deserves a cute dress.

Here's my plan:
No more Pinterest. All those pictures of desserts is just making me want to eat.
Lots of gum.
Long walks pushing the kids in the stroller. (I did it with all 3 kids in the double jogger--it was super crowded--and it was a good workout for sure.)
Smoothies, smoothies, smoothies.

There you have it. I will post my after pictures in 12 weeks. Wish me luck! (I want to win! I could use some sweet cash for skinny girl clothes.)

Can It Be December Now?

I need to vent.  First of all, I'm addicted to Facebook.  Who isn't, these days?  Oh, that's right.  People with a life.  But I digress.  I accept the fact that, due to my choice as a stay-at-home mom with 3 little guys to take care of, there are days when my only contact with other grown-ups is through Facebook.  I admit to checking it about 300 times a day, just in case someone said something funny.  But I'm about ready to take a Facebook hiatus until after the elections are over in November.  I get that Facebook is a place to share political ideas and to try to educate people on the way to elections.  But I am FED UP with the insane amount of candidate bashing that is going on.  Seriously.  I'm not going to say which party, because to a degree it's both parties.  But is it really necessary to post 6 status updates in 10 minutes about how much you hate that one guy?  Without saying anything redeeming about the guy you're supporting?  I'd love to hear why you're going to vote for your guy.  You've made it clear you're not going to vote for the other guy, but going on a hate campaign isn't useful, it doesn't enlighten anyone about what's really going on, and 200 words on why the other guy stinks isn't going to influence my decision.  My question is, what's all that hate attempting to accomplish?  Are you trying to swing my vote?  Are you trying to make sure everyone on Facebook knows that you are voting for that one guy?  Are you trying to convince me that the other guy you hate so much is narrow minded and hateful?  Because if all you're posting on Facebook is mudslinging, I'm convinced someone's being narrow-minded and hateful, but it's not that other guy.  If you're going to go all political on Facebook, why don't you just tell me, without bashing the other guy, what makes your guy so stinking awesome.  Give me a rational, detailed list of reasons why you are voting for your guy.  Don't give me a list of reasons you're not voting for the other guy.  That's all.

P.S.  I'm serious about a hiatus.  Maybe.  I might get the shakes and cold sweats.  I heard on the radio the other day that going cold turkey off of Facebook is the same as quitting crack cold turkey.

A Little Older and Happier than Ever

It has been ages since I've posted.  I'm guessing no one's sitting in front of their computer, thinking, Man, I wish Rachel would post something new.  But I have been thinking, Man, I should post something.  This is kind of like my journal.  Well, I've been busy.  But, with all that's happened, I've neglected to do something really important, and that is to brag a little about having married an amazing man 10 years ago.  We celebrated the big 10 on July 2nd, and I sure am happy about it.  Here's how I still see us:

 Super young and skinny.  Here is our life 10 years later (thanks, Stacie, for this awesome picture):

We may be older, chubbier, and a little more tired-looking, but look at those boys we've gotten along the way!  10 years have been good to us.  A lot of people go on fabulous trips for their 10th anniversaries, but, since the littlest guy is still dependent on me for some of his nourishment (was that discreet enough?), we bought this little honey instead:

It was my dream car in high school, and now we have one.  That is a 1992 Miata.  I have been learning how to drive stick, under the patient tutelage of my husband, and much to the amusement of my friends.  We also went on a date that included dinner and bowling.  My bowling arm is still sore 3 days later.  So I may see myself as a youthful 24-year-old, but my body feels much more like the almost-35-year-old that I actually am.  But I digress.  This week has had its sorrows, but there has been much to celebrate as well.

Speaking of feeling my 35 years, we went water skiing yesterday.  I'm sore in places I didn't know existed.  I remember going to Lake Powell 15 years ago and water skiing for hours without feeling a thing.  Inspiration to exercise more, I guess.  The good news was that my body allowed me to get up on the skis at all.

Happy 10 years to my hubs, and happy summer to all y'all!

Awake, and disappointed

I remember last fall seeing all these teasers for a show starring Lucius Malfoy (Jason Isaacs) as 1) an American and 2) a good guy!, and I knew I had to watch.  The premise of the show also had me intrigued, of course, which was a nice bonus.  The idea is that this detective in L.A. has been in a car accident with his wife and son, and his reality has now been fractured into two separate lives.  By falling asleep he enters either a reality where his son is alive and his wife has died, or into a life with his wife and the loss of his son.  Each life seems equally real to him, and he is able to solve crimes in each "dream" by noticing details from his other "dream."  The show was as interesting as it promised to be, at least in my view, but it was obvious to me that it would be difficult to make its story line last through multiple seasons.  Tim and I were pleasantly surprised to find out they were wrapping up the show in one season.  Not many shows are bold enough to say, Hey, we had a great idea for a show, but it's only going to go downhill after the first season.  Of course, then I found out it got cancelled.  But either way, it was a good idea to wrap the show up after one season.  The mystery of which life was reality was  going to be solved, and there was a HUGE opportunity for an awesome ending.  I can think of at least 3 different endings that would have been awesome, and they BLEW IT.  I know the show was cancelled, and they probably had to scramble to finish it up, but the ending they chose was a cop out.

*SPOILER ALERT*

There's this huge build up to finding out what really happened to the main guy (whose name escapes me, for some reason), and then...he wakes up.  That's right.  The whole show was a dream.  That's it.  He walks out of his bedroom, and there are his wife and kid, asking him why he slept in.  There's some crazy conspiracy going on with dirty cops, there's a guy that caused the accident that killed his family, and it was all a dream.  My theories were 1) he was in a coma from the accident, and his brain was sorting through the details of his past cases to find out why an attempt was made on his life, 2) both his wife and child died in the accident, and he is in an insane asylum because he snapped from the grief of it all, and it's a delusion, 3) he also died in the accident, and because it was a murder, he and his family are popping in and out of different realities until they can solve their murders.  But no.  He just had a crazy dream.  I'm annoyed.

What I'll be doing this summer

You know what's great about technology?  The ability to stream.  I love streaming stuff.  Thanks to Netflix streaming I've discovered a ton of great TV.  Here are a few I've found recently:

1. Being Human I LOVE this show.  Have I posted about it before?  Because it's awesome.  I know there are a gazillion vampire/werewolf/supernatural type shows out there, and I seem to watch all of them, but this one is exceptional.  It's what you get when you put a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost in a house together as roommates that are trying to act normal.  It sounds cute, right?  Not cute.  Super dark and creepy, and very very exciting.  I came across it while surfing around on Netflix.  It's not for the faint of heart.  The show is still going on SyFy, but is in between seasons right now.

2. Crossing Jordan You know that show that came out last year, "Body of Proof"?  This is the original version of that show.  It's about Jordan Cavanaugh, Medical Examiner in Boston, who can't just stick to performing autopsies, but feels driven to solve each case instead of leaving it to the cops.  She is driven by her own mother's unsolved murder.  (Body of Proof is about an ME in Philly who noses in with the police to solve crimes, whose father's murder was also unsolved.  Familiar?)  It doesn't hurt that Jerry O'Connell is in on the show regularly, and I've had a crush on him since Sliders.  It's a good show to watch while I do the dishes.  Plus, the show is done airing on TV now, so I know I'll get all the seasons without waiting.

3. Roswell  Speaking of shows that are about supernatural things, how about aliens?  I remember when this show came out years ago, and I watched an episode here and there, but watching the whole series was super fun.  You know how Katherine Heigl is hot stuff these days?  She got her start on Roswell.  I loved this show because it was out there and intriguing and kind of angsty.

4. Desperate Housewives I jumped on the Housewife train way late in the game, but thanks to streaming on hopped on in time for the series finale last week.  I love the show.  I happen to be a housewife myself, and I could see a little of myself in some of the characters.  Mostly Lynette, who yells at her kids, has bikes in her yard, isn't a perfect housekeeper, and doesn't look perfect all the time.  And I truly related to the friendship between the four main characters.  I know I cry a lot, but I teared up almost every episode some seasons.

I also discovered several other shows, but these are my highlights.  And now, a quick list of shows I'm super excited are available for streaming now:

1. Saved by the Bell Slater pants!
2. Jem and the Holograms I watched it every day after school in 6th grade, and just because I only have boys doesn't mean they're not going to be watching it with me this summer.
3. Dawson's Creek Sometimes I just need something ridiculous to watch while I fold laundry.

I love that there are also tons of great kids' shows for streaming, like Transformers, Busytown Mysteries, and yes, even Yo Gabba Gabba.  I don't plan on spending all summer with the TV on, but sometimes we just need something for everyone to watch on those hot afternoons.

Also, I don't have Hulu Plus, but my friend does, and we have started watching Revenge.  Oh my.  I am hooked.  Hooray for something to replace Desperate Housewives.  It will make my summer worth living through.

*I swear when I formatted this Crossing Jordan was the same type size as everything else, but for some reason, it's not showing up that way.  Oh well.  You get the idea.

A Different Approach to Vampires

I have read a lot of Robin McKinley books.  One of my favorite books ever is "Beauty," which she wrote ages ago and which is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast and it's absolutely wonderful.  She has written a few other retellings of fairy tales and even one about Robin Hood.  She also wrote "The Hero and the Crown" and "The Blue Sword," both of which I read in 9th grade and still love.  All the books I read of hers were aimed at teenage girls.  So when I started reading "Sunshine," her take on vampires, I thought I knew what to expect.  I was wrong.  Let me break this down for you in a list, because I am a list maker, and it's the only way I can even remotely get my point across.

What was awesome about this book:
1.  After wading through the insane amount of flowery language in some of the vampire novels I've read in the past few years, this one is refreshingly...unflowery.  The story is told by sassy twenty-something year old Sunshine, a baker in a family run diner in the seedy part of one of the few remaining cities in North America.  Her voice is personable and real, and it kind of feels like your sitting at girls' night, listening to a friend tell you what crazy stuff happened to her last weekend.  It has a completely different feel than any of the other vampire books I've read, and a completely different style than the other Robin McKinley books I've read.  In short, the style isn't a copy of a copy like so much other crap that's coming out these days.

2.  It's funny.  I'm all for humor.  For example, there are lots of different kinds of were-creatures, like were-rats, werewolves, and, of course, were-chickens.  Quite enjoyable.

3.  The vampires aren't ridiculously good-looking.  There aren't any "vegetarian" vampires.  They are horrible beasts that are evil to the core that look like monsters and don't act human.  Even the so-called protagonist vampire scares the snot out of Sunshine most of the time.  So, like I've said before, it's not a copy of something else that has been ripped off from something that was somewhat mediocre to start with.  If it's drawing from anywhere it's from the legend of Vlad the Impaler and is more based on horror than on romance.  I appreciate the creativity.

What was disappointing about this book:
1.  I'm not naive enough to think that adult novels will be completely squeaky clean.  But, after having read a lot of Robin McKinley's books, I felt I was safe to read whatever she was putting out there without running across anything too unsavory.  Apparently, when she decided to do something completely different with her writing style, she also decided to throw in some naughty bits.  And not just the suggestion of naughty.  Outright naughty.  Including the f-word and some other offensive language.  It was like a slap in the face.  I always pictured Ms. McKinley, sitting in an English cottage, surrounded by roses and wildflowers, molding her phrases with a touch of elegance.  That image has been tossed right out.  I worry that there will be 14-year-old girls browsing the stacks at the library, come to McKinley, see "Sunshine" and think they're getting another book like "Beauty."  And then they'll read it and ask their moms what certain words mean, and their moms will gasp in horror (or, if they're more innocent, look it up online and then gasp in horror), and their daughters will never be allowed near the library again.  Or those girls will just know too much too young.  The real shame was that one part had no relevance to the story, and even if it had, could have been told VERY differently.  I know she could have done better because she already has.

2.  I liked the general style of storytelling in this book, but it felt a little disjointed and vague.  I'm a reader who, when something is referred to 40 pages into the book that seems pertinent but not familiar, goes back to scan the previous 39 pages to see where I missed it being mentioned in the first place.  I felt like that happened more than it should have.  There was a mention of someone and her pudding 20 pages into the book, and it felt like the end of a story that kind of mattered, but, after going back and rereading the first two chapters and finding nothing about it, I assumed it was a hint of things to come.  Nope.  It was just a random partial story thrown in.  I'm wondering if I should read the book again, more slowly, to catch stuff I must have missed the first time.  Especially now that I know where the raunchy parts are.  I can skip right over them.

3.  While the ending was, overall, ending-ish, it almost felt like a set-up for another book.  There were a lot of loose ends.  Some authors just leave loose ends and let you tie them up with your own imagination.  This might be one of those times.  But I feel like lately, most authors have become greedy book-cranking machines that feel like there has to be at least 4 books in a series.  Like I said earlier, I may just have to read it again.  It was pretty late and I was pretty tired when I finished it.

Overall, I liked the book.  But the added raunch has kind of tainted it for me and made me feel like I can't really recommend it to most people.  If you want to read it, just be aware that there is a page of nasty.  Otherwise, it's a fun new take on a world full of vampires and were-roaches.

A Quick Addition

I did a post a while back on kids' shows.  I would like to add to that.  I didn't mention the Backyardigans before because I had only watched it a few times, and I was kind of on the fence about it.  After multiple viewings, I can safely say it falls into the Like category, in small doses.  The characters can sing well, the songs are pretty cute, and the stories are all fun and interesting.  The reason for the small doses is the same reason I don't watch musicals all day.  It gets to be a bit much.  

Now for the real reason I'm posting.  I made a huge mistake.  After watching Cupcake Wars on Sunday, which was Yo Gabba Gabba themed, I added Yo Gabba Gabba to my Netflix queue so my kids could try it out.  After 2 minutes of the first episode, I wanted to rip my ears off and throw them in the blender, and gouge my eyeballs out with a pencil.  This is the downside of Netflix.  Once your kids have watched one episode, there are 50 more sitting there for them to watch, and you either have to say, "NO!  This show is lame!", remove it from the queue, and deal with whining for days, or be a wimp, like me, and let them get it out of their systems.  (The latter is what I did with Barney, and I haven't dealt with that forever).  Next time I will be sure to watch an episode before I make the mistake of showing it to my kids.  Now, why do I hate that show already?  Repetitive songs with no melody (for example: Party in my tummy, party in my tummy, party in my tummy for 3 full minutes), creepy looking characters that remind me of the Tellytubbies, and the fact that they are 22 minutes long.  

Parents, this is a warning.  AVOID YO GABBA GABBA LIKE THE PLAGUE.

This is not about the Hunger Games...

But it is about food.  I love food.  I have a lot of people inform me that loving vegetables will make me skinnier.  And that giving up meat and ice cream and butter will keep me from heart disease.  And they are right.  If all I ate were veggies and quinoa, I'd be way skinnier.  But I can't do it.  I eat veggies (especially the ones my husband sneaks into the smoothies he makes every morning).  I have even discovered that I like some of them (like broccoli, which I eschewed with a firm hand for all of childhood and singlehood, until my husband shamed me into eating it, and I discovered that it wasn't so bad).  I even ate asparagus a few days ago.  My mom will be shocked and awed if she hears about that.  I try to at least throw a salad together at dinner every day so we won't all get rickets or scurvy or whatever lack of veg does to you.  But I can't leave out butter.  Or cheese.  I most certainly can't give up my red meat.  I'm not here to judge or criticize those who have abandoned those parts of the food world.  We are blessed with our own brains and personalities, and honestly, if I could live on healthy food alone, maybe I would.  But when I leave out the good stuff I get really, really cranky.  I get mean. And I don't enjoy eating anymore.  I lose my desire to cook dinner, and I start to resent everyone that eats healthy and loves it.  So, in order to maintain a good relationship with my healthy friends, and to keep my children from living in a house of horror, I eat meat, cheese, butter, and, most importantly, chocolate.

Because I love food so much, I have discovered a desire to learn how to cook it better.  I'm also totally addicted to the Food Network, and this has been the spark that lit my need to be a better chef at home.  I know I've mentioned this love of Food Network before, but now I'm going to tell you what I've learned by watching certain shows:

Chopped Even fancy chefs have a hard time coming up with something appetizing with a set of random ingredients, but somehow they manage.  Chopped is like a competitive version of what happens regularly at my house, but the judges are far less picky on the show than the little guys I have at home.  Watching Chopped inspires me to make what's in my cupboard into something edible.  (Pinterest has come in really handy here, too.)  There are days when I've got frozen chicken tenders, salsa, an apple, and a tiny bit of Swiss cheese, and I think, This is my mystery basket.  Let's get this on the table. And I usually have about half an hour to get it done.  I'm living the show.  Usually my judges' comments are like this: "Can I just have a hot dog?" "What's THAT?" "How many bites do I have to take?" But they go to bed with something in their tummies.  Thanks, Chopped.

Worst Cooks in America The good news is that I'm pretty sure I'm not one of them.  I know this because I have never sent any of my family to the hospital with food poisoning.  So I know a few things, like not to leave chicken sitting on the counter all day before serving it to my family pink in the middle.  I can boil a pot of pasta.  I've picked up a few things, though, by watching them teach the bad cooks.  For example, I didn't realize that you are supposed to always put your meat/chicken into the pan when it's hot, sealing in the juices.  No more gray and dry steaks.  Veggies are usually done cooking when they are at their brightest color. This will keep us from eating soggy, tasteless veggies. There's a bounty of new information I've gotten from watching the show.  Mostly, though, it gives me a little confidence in my abilities.

Restaurant: Impossible I'm astounded at the atrocities that go on in the kitchen at some restaurants.  It's taught me that if I walk into a restaurant and the carpet smells nasty, I should probably turn tail and head to the nearest McDonald's, because they at least have cleanliness standards that have to be met, even in 3rd world countries.  It's made me a little wary of mom and pop restaurants.  Those seem to be the type that end up with rats under the stove and mold in the hood over the stove.  It's all about the smell of the carpet.  This doesn't have anything to do with my learning to cook, except that sometimes when my mystery basket doesn't work out, we go out to eat.  But not where the carpet stinks.

Now I'm off to eat some sugary cereal.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I have talked an awful lot about TV shows.  I may have a teensy little TV addiction.  But what I haven't mentioned is the TV I spend the most time watching/listening to.  That's right. Kids' shows.  I figured it was time to tell you my thoughts on kids' TV.  There are three requirements I have for a good show: 1. Does it teach my kids good stuff? 2. Does it encourage good behavior (ie: will my boys be practicing ninja moves after they watch it)? and 3. (And this is the most important one) Can I tolerate it?

With these three factors in mind, here is my good list:

1.  Little Einsteins.  Here are the reasons I like it:  First of all, it uses classical music and famous works of art to create the adventures the kids go on.  For example, there is an episode using the music from Stravinsky's "Firebird Suite" and traditional Russian dolls.  As a musician, I love the idea of my 3-year-old humming Stravinsky around the house.  Secondly, Tyler loves it.  When the kids say, "Okay, everybody pat your knees with the beat!" Tyler pats his knees with the beat.  When Leo says, "Let's conduct this music piano, Tyler conducts.  I'm not trying to turn my kids into musicians, but you have to admit it's kind of awesome.  The two problems with the show are that a lot of the music is synthesized, and the little girl, Annie, who is supposed to be the good singer, can't carry a tune in a bucket.  But I like what it teaches my kids, it makes my kids more interested in classical music and art, and I don't feel like ripping my ears off or gouging out my eyes when it's on.

2.   Phineas and Ferb.  Okay, so it's not that it's all that educational.  But it's hilarious. I don't just tolerate it, I watch it with the kids.  And if we're looking for redeeming educational qualities, it does promote creativity and the benefits of inventing.  Also, Dr. Doofenschmirtz always loses, and he's the bad guy.  And who can't love a show that inspires your 6-year-old to sing, "Nostrils on the Bus" during breakfast?

3.  Blue's Clues.  This may seem surprising to some, because about 4 months ago I was ready to gouge out my eyeballs and rip off my ears because my kids were watching this show.  But it grew on me.  Yes, Steve's "walking" through the green screen house is a little ridiculous, and yes, his dance moves could use a little work. But it is a show Tyler will sit down and watch, and then remember.  One day, after watching a show about building things, he came to me and asked if we could build a contraption together.  It took me a minute to figure out that he was saying contraption, but the point is that he was inspired to do something productive after watching the show.  It is a very gentle show.  There is no yelling or fighting or being rude.  It's all about learning and having fun.  And, after I got over the fact that the songs were running through my head at 1am, I got used to them, and they're not too bad.  The problems I have are that Joe replaced Steve, and he's just not the same.  He tries too hard.  And when Joe came, suddenly Blue's gender changed.  But overall, it's a show I encourage over others around here.

4. Pocoyo. Stephen Fry is the narrator.  Need I say more?  I will.  Each episode is only 7 minutes long.  So no matter how ridiculous the story is, it's over soon.

5. Shaun the Sheep/Timmy Time  I'm putting these into the same paragraph.  They're cute and funny and it's hard to be obnoxious when it's just little animal sounds.  I don't know how educational they are, but they sure are entertaining.

And now a quick list of shows I detest:
1.  Barney.  Why he has teenagers dancing and singing on a show aimed at 2-year-olds is beyond me. Barney did save our bacon when we were driving to Utah from Mississippi, because it was the only thing our 2-year-old would watch for more than 5 minutes without getting bored and screaming. But really, mostly it just kind of makes me squirm and feel embarrassed for the kids in it, because I'm pretty sure they're getting their butts kicked at school every day.

2.  Special Agent Oso. Oh Disney, what have you done?  Instead of continuing to show My Friends, Tigger and Pooh, they got rid of it and kept Special Agent Oso.  What bugs me the most is that the whole premise of the show is kids who need help doing basic tasks and aren't getting help from their parents.  One of the episodes was about a kid whose family is heading out on vacation, and the mom tells him to pack.  Then she tells him he's got 2 minutes to get it done, and he has no idea how to fit his stuff in the suitcase.  So along comes obnoxious Agent Oso, who, incidentally, has no clue either, and the mom is off doing whatever while her son is struggling to pack his suitcase.  Also, it's annoying.

3. Pretty much anything on Nickelodeon  We have tried streaming several different shows, and all of them are loud, crass, and usually kind of violent.  I like Sponge Bob, but it's not something I can handle in larger doses than one episode every other week or so.  Most of their shows aren't educational at all, involve behavior I don't want my kids to imitate, and I want to tear my hair out when they are on.

There you have it. I'm just telling you what I think. Every family has different tastes and criteria for what they watch. But, since I like to spout off about TV so much, I'm spouting off on kids' shows today.

Okay.  I'm a little cranky.  I haven't gotten a lot of sleep recently, and that makes me grouchy.  But I just have a beef I'd like to discuss.

You know when you go to a restaurant, order something, LOVE it, devour it, and it becomes your go-to meal when you're at that restaurant? And you have other friends that also love that dish, and you have a great time eating it and talking about how much you love that food?  And then you go out to eat with a friend, you recommend it because you love it so much, and they order it, and then tell you it's disgusting?  And then you start to question your own taste, because what if it is gross, and you've been eating something nasty over and over again, and there's something wrong with you for loving it.  And then the friend that thinks it's gross joins with different friends in telling you your very favorite meal is disgusting and they would never recommend it to anyone.  Then, when you're at the restaurant the next time, you want to order that meal, because it's just what you're in the mood for, and all you can think about is those friends that thought it was awful, and maybe you should just stop eating that meal, even though it's one of the few things you can count on to cheer you up and make you happy.

And this is why you should never, EVER recommend a book you absolutely and positively adore for book group.

What you need to know

For the past 3 years or so, I have headed up a neighborhood book group.  We have read all kinds of books, from "Twilight" to "Jane Eyre" to "The Help."  We've covered sad books, cheerful books, old books, new books, crappy books, and confusing books.  It's fantastic.  When it comes time to figure out what we're reading next, we all throw titles out, and we come up with a list for the next few months.  I have suggested "Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging" every time, and I've gotten some looks.  Yes, it sounds like a naughty, horrible book.  And in the 3 years of books, we still haven't done it for book group.  Until this month. I put my foot down.  I became an evil dictator for a minute and told the ladies in book group that we are reading it.  This is why:

1.   It's winter (despite what the beautiful weather might tell you).  Christmas is over. We are done looking forward to all the delicious and naughty and guilt-free eating.  Now comes January and February, where we look down at our tummies and think of all that guilt-free eating and feel guilty and a little bummed at all the exercise that's ahead of us.  Don't you think it's the right time for a pick-me-up?  What's better than the musings of a 14-year-old British girl?

2.  It's freakin' hilarious. There are some who will read it, roll their eyes, and say to themselves, "What was Rachel thinking?"  It may not be for everyone.  But I haven't met those people yet.  I'm not saying everyone in book group will love it.  But it's so stinking funny.  So it's hard for me to imagine people not liking it.

3.  There's a British/American glossary in the back.  And it will add to your vocabulary.  You can learn phrases like "double cool with knobs!"

4.  It's important to try new books.  So try it.

Book group is January 31st at 8:15 at my house.  Come share why you were glad you read it.