Smile With Your Eyes

Who has guilty pleasures? Everyone, that's who. One of mine is America's Next Top Model (I can see my parents hanging their heads in shame--I can't explain it, you raised us to like classy TV, but somehow I snuck in a few trashy favorites). Did anyone else watch the season premiere last week? Best ever. By far. I think Tyra found a new medication, or went off her old one, because she has reached a new level of crazy. Picture this: 36 squealing, anorexic, ugly pretty (you know, the kind that at first glance seem weird-looking, then strike you as gorgeous after a few minutes) frantic girls showing up at an industrial-looking area of LA, complete with smokestacks (which I swear are the same ones as the ones Mel Gibson keeps painting in "Conspiracy Theory"). They are greeted by the Jays, who are dressed in white leather and wearing silver wigs. Oh yes. This is in the first 3 minutes. The girls are informed that this is the futuristic model facility and that they have to go through a rigorous evaluation to see if they are Top Model material. They are brought to a computerish looking thing that's next to some sort of portal, which you know is going to open and out will come Tyra. The computery thingy starts to smoke likes it's overloading with modelness, and out she comes, complete in black leather and silver lipstick--Tyra Bot. Can you picture the writers sitting around the table coming up with the season premiere? Tyra says, "Come on, y'all, we need to do something edgy!" and this is what they come up with. Super edgy. Like, 1960s edgy. I love it. So Tyra Bot and Alpha Jay and Beta Jay put the models through a "scanner", and then eliminate half of them by having their hands scanned in front of everyone else, and up pops an "Access Granted" or "Access Denied" sign on the screen. Very high tech. This is why I love this show. Every episode is like waiting for a train wreck to happen, and that train wreck happens, and it's Tyra being completely bonkers, and you just can't look away! Plus I like the photo shoots they come up with. I think that conference table is quite the place for inspiration. "This week, let's make the models wear fish suits and tie their hair in a million knots, put them in fancy shoes and hang them off a climbing wall!" So, welcome to the new season, which is sure to be full of fun insanity and wise advice from Tyra (Smile with your eyes, like THIS!). And lots of really emotional, hungry girls (and, apparently, one boy that managed to slip in because he plans on being a girl soon). By the way, 2 more weeks until the Office (that's classy, right?).