Worst dates ever

I'm a little hard up for post subjects lately. I'm listening to Harry Potter on my new iPod (yay!), but don't feel a need to do a review. I haven't seen many new movies lately, although we did watch Ghost Town last night and I would recommend it to anyone who likes a good laugh. Two thumbs up.

Anyway, the previous post made me start thinking of bad dates I've been on, so I thought I'd do a countdown of my worst dates ever. I've considered writing a memoir just to help other people feel better about how dating went for them, or how it's going for them. It could be worse. I'll only do 5, because this post will be long as it is.

#5--"Seatbelts are for suckers, and so are stop signs" I had this ability right after high school to attract guys who managed to not graduate due to some sort of bad behavior. This date was with a guy from marching band that had been kicked out of school after messing with grades on the computer, or something stupid like that. He called me and said, "Hey, this is Darryl. Want to go out?" Sure. "What do you want to do?" Okay...I suggested bowling. "Well, I was thinking we could go to the slick track over at Trafalga, then see a movie." Okay... "What movie do you want to see?" I suggested something I wanted to see. "Well, I was thinking we could see "something or other, which I can't remember". Okay... "The movie starts at 10:30. See you in an hour!" So along comes Darryl. I can hear his truck from a mile away, and when it pulls up, it's 4 different colors. He honks. Nice. I hop in his truck and notice that there are no seatbelts. And then he starts running stop signs. We go to the slick track (YEE HA!), then head over to the dollar theater, where there are 2 hours until the movie starts. So we go into ShopKo. He immediately goes over to the posters and starts rating the bikini ladies for me. Then he heads to the stereos and turns all of them onto country stations at full blast. By the time the movie started I wanted to chop my own head off and slit my wrists with a piece of paper. Highlight of the evening: Darryl excuses himself to "see a man about a horse" (that's a direct quote) and two very cute guys in front of me ask if he's my boyfriend. No, no and NO! If only he hadn't come back just then. We see the lame movie and run stop signs all the way home. And Darryl is never to be seen again. I choose this experience to share, not because it is unique, but because it represents a large number of dates I went on in my single days.

#4--"My dad said it was good we broke up" I went to Preference at BYU with a boyfriend one year, and after a really weird night (some sort of vibe going on), I just wanted to get home. We were both in a bad mood, there were lots of awkward pauses (which was weird, because he liked to discuss our feelings almost non-stop--fresh off the mission, you know), and I was really tired. I was driving, and pulled into his covered parking lot to drop him off. There was one empty spot, which was between a pole and his car. I was so busy watching the pole that I didn't pay attention to his car and CRUNCH. Oops. Way to end a weird night. We broke up the next day, and this exboyfriend felt it was appropriate to tell me that he'd told his dad about the car (which had a tiny ding in the bumper--my parents' car had a smashed headlight) and the breakup, and his dad told him he sure was glad he'd broken up with me. Not the best date.

#3--The Principal, A Tux and A Fountain. The comments from the previous post may have already clued you in on this date. There was nothing wrong with the guy I was with. He was very nice and very quiet and it was a very mild evening. My date and I were enjoying a nice chat with my sister and her date next to a cute little fountain that had been brought into the State Capitol rotunda especially for the dance. There was a hose attached that led to a water source some distance away. I was keeping my eye out for my friend Stephanie, who was on her first date with Erik (they're married now) because I was eager to see how it was going. So when I thought I saw her, I took a quick step in her direction (it turned out not to be her) and caught my heel on the hose. The hose became detached from the fountain, and the water pressure was such that it sprayed in a circle a few times before settling in an arc and forming a pool. My sweet single English teacher and her date came running across the floor and battled the hose, the water spraying them in the face, while I made a quick retreat to the nearest restroom. The bathroom was upstairs, and when I emerged from the bathroom and looked over the balcony, I saw the principal, in his tux, mopping the lake I had created in the middle of the dance floor. Oops. And to top it off, my date had a carriage ride planned for us after the dance. So there we were, soaking wet in the May evening, my velvet dress ruined and my hair flat. The next dance I went to also had a fountain, and after 30 different people warned me to stay away, I started to avoid talking to anyone.

#2--The "Death" group. The other nightmare date that was referred to in my previous post (the car wreck date) was much worse for others in our group than it was for me. It was high school Preference, our junior year. We decided that driving up Provo canyon to go sledding for a day activity was a good idea. We had a huge group, so we went in two cars. Our car reached the sledding area on time, and waited for a while for the other car to show (they had the hot cocoa and the donuts). After a while we gave up and headed up the hill to do some sledding. An hour or so later, the other car showed up, after having been in a minor car accident on their way to pick up one of the guys. They got a little sledding in, and then we headed back down the canyon to get ready for the dance. The other car went first, and disappeared quickly down the road. As our car rounded a horseshoe turn, we saw everyone belonging to the first car standing on the side of the road. My first thought was, "Are they playing some kind of a joke?" Then I thought, "Where's the car???" Well, the car was off the road in a tree. The miracle was that no one had a scratch on them. The downside was that we had a station wagon load of people without transportion, stranded at Sundance. We called our parents, arranged for transportation, and eventually all made it home. My dad was one of our forms of transportation down the mountain, which meant I had the least time to get ready. I was in the shower when my date showed up (he had an 11-passenger van, and volunteered to drive), and was bawling my eyes out while he waited in the living room. We got to the dance 10 minutes before it ended, got pictures (with my bad hair) and headed out. We were known as the death group once people heard the story, which stuck with us for the rest of the school year.

#1--"See you at the bottom of the mountain!" Never, ever go skiing for the first time with a loser. This is a long blog, so let me sum up quickly: Ski rental place: "You have small feet! Here are some tiny skis!" Date: "Great! No, I won't buy the $3 insurance on them. Let's go." Me: "Who's this other girl?" Date: "My sister. I thought you could keep each other company." Me: "Maybe you shouldn't park in that snowbank." Date: "Sure I can. This car is practically new!" Me: "This mountain sure is high!" Date: "I think we should start on a blue square slope. See you at the bottom!" Me: "How do you stop and turn?" Date's sister: "I don't know! See you at the bottom!" Me, an hour later: "I can't stop! I can't slow down! Look out! I'm going to crash!" The lift line at the bottom of the hill: "She's going to crash into us! Fall down! Tip over!" And -pop!- go my skis. Down I go. Date: "Where have you been? Why won't your skis go back on?" Me: "Wait up!" Lift operator: "Please hop on!" Me: "Oh no! My ski fell off!" Lift Operator, yelling after me: "I'll send it up with you!" The ski lift stops as we reach the top so I can get off it with one ski. A 4-year-old goes whizzing by me. Date: "Well, good luck getting down the mountain! See you at the bottom!" Date's sister: Nowhere to be found. Probably nice and cozy in the lodge. The ski's bindings have been ripped from the ski. Turns out the tiny skis are for kids, not a 20-year-old. One snowmobile ride with a cute ski patrol guy to the bottom later and I'm in the lodge with Date. Date: "I'm going to get some lunch." Date eats his lunch in front of me, and offers me a fry, which I devour. I have no money, as I thought this was a date. After one more run down the mountain, Date: "My car is stuck. You'll have to push it out." Me, in the snow, still in ski boots: "Help!" A van full of nice guys comes along and push out the car, and away goes my date, with me standing in the snow. I hop in with the car still moving, and Date says: "Wanna go to my friend's house and watch movies later?" Date was never seen by me again.

You should know, none of these dates involved my husband. We only went on good dates.