A Quick Addition

I did a post a while back on kids' shows.  I would like to add to that.  I didn't mention the Backyardigans before because I had only watched it a few times, and I was kind of on the fence about it.  After multiple viewings, I can safely say it falls into the Like category, in small doses.  The characters can sing well, the songs are pretty cute, and the stories are all fun and interesting.  The reason for the small doses is the same reason I don't watch musicals all day.  It gets to be a bit much.  

Now for the real reason I'm posting.  I made a huge mistake.  After watching Cupcake Wars on Sunday, which was Yo Gabba Gabba themed, I added Yo Gabba Gabba to my Netflix queue so my kids could try it out.  After 2 minutes of the first episode, I wanted to rip my ears off and throw them in the blender, and gouge my eyeballs out with a pencil.  This is the downside of Netflix.  Once your kids have watched one episode, there are 50 more sitting there for them to watch, and you either have to say, "NO!  This show is lame!", remove it from the queue, and deal with whining for days, or be a wimp, like me, and let them get it out of their systems.  (The latter is what I did with Barney, and I haven't dealt with that forever).  Next time I will be sure to watch an episode before I make the mistake of showing it to my kids.  Now, why do I hate that show already?  Repetitive songs with no melody (for example: Party in my tummy, party in my tummy, party in my tummy for 3 full minutes), creepy looking characters that remind me of the Tellytubbies, and the fact that they are 22 minutes long.  

Parents, this is a warning.  AVOID YO GABBA GABBA LIKE THE PLAGUE.

This is not about the Hunger Games...

But it is about food.  I love food.  I have a lot of people inform me that loving vegetables will make me skinnier.  And that giving up meat and ice cream and butter will keep me from heart disease.  And they are right.  If all I ate were veggies and quinoa, I'd be way skinnier.  But I can't do it.  I eat veggies (especially the ones my husband sneaks into the smoothies he makes every morning).  I have even discovered that I like some of them (like broccoli, which I eschewed with a firm hand for all of childhood and singlehood, until my husband shamed me into eating it, and I discovered that it wasn't so bad).  I even ate asparagus a few days ago.  My mom will be shocked and awed if she hears about that.  I try to at least throw a salad together at dinner every day so we won't all get rickets or scurvy or whatever lack of veg does to you.  But I can't leave out butter.  Or cheese.  I most certainly can't give up my red meat.  I'm not here to judge or criticize those who have abandoned those parts of the food world.  We are blessed with our own brains and personalities, and honestly, if I could live on healthy food alone, maybe I would.  But when I leave out the good stuff I get really, really cranky.  I get mean. And I don't enjoy eating anymore.  I lose my desire to cook dinner, and I start to resent everyone that eats healthy and loves it.  So, in order to maintain a good relationship with my healthy friends, and to keep my children from living in a house of horror, I eat meat, cheese, butter, and, most importantly, chocolate.

Because I love food so much, I have discovered a desire to learn how to cook it better.  I'm also totally addicted to the Food Network, and this has been the spark that lit my need to be a better chef at home.  I know I've mentioned this love of Food Network before, but now I'm going to tell you what I've learned by watching certain shows:

Chopped Even fancy chefs have a hard time coming up with something appetizing with a set of random ingredients, but somehow they manage.  Chopped is like a competitive version of what happens regularly at my house, but the judges are far less picky on the show than the little guys I have at home.  Watching Chopped inspires me to make what's in my cupboard into something edible.  (Pinterest has come in really handy here, too.)  There are days when I've got frozen chicken tenders, salsa, an apple, and a tiny bit of Swiss cheese, and I think, This is my mystery basket.  Let's get this on the table. And I usually have about half an hour to get it done.  I'm living the show.  Usually my judges' comments are like this: "Can I just have a hot dog?" "What's THAT?" "How many bites do I have to take?" But they go to bed with something in their tummies.  Thanks, Chopped.

Worst Cooks in America The good news is that I'm pretty sure I'm not one of them.  I know this because I have never sent any of my family to the hospital with food poisoning.  So I know a few things, like not to leave chicken sitting on the counter all day before serving it to my family pink in the middle.  I can boil a pot of pasta.  I've picked up a few things, though, by watching them teach the bad cooks.  For example, I didn't realize that you are supposed to always put your meat/chicken into the pan when it's hot, sealing in the juices.  No more gray and dry steaks.  Veggies are usually done cooking when they are at their brightest color. This will keep us from eating soggy, tasteless veggies. There's a bounty of new information I've gotten from watching the show.  Mostly, though, it gives me a little confidence in my abilities.

Restaurant: Impossible I'm astounded at the atrocities that go on in the kitchen at some restaurants.  It's taught me that if I walk into a restaurant and the carpet smells nasty, I should probably turn tail and head to the nearest McDonald's, because they at least have cleanliness standards that have to be met, even in 3rd world countries.  It's made me a little wary of mom and pop restaurants.  Those seem to be the type that end up with rats under the stove and mold in the hood over the stove.  It's all about the smell of the carpet.  This doesn't have anything to do with my learning to cook, except that sometimes when my mystery basket doesn't work out, we go out to eat.  But not where the carpet stinks.

Now I'm off to eat some sugary cereal.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I have talked an awful lot about TV shows.  I may have a teensy little TV addiction.  But what I haven't mentioned is the TV I spend the most time watching/listening to.  That's right. Kids' shows.  I figured it was time to tell you my thoughts on kids' TV.  There are three requirements I have for a good show: 1. Does it teach my kids good stuff? 2. Does it encourage good behavior (ie: will my boys be practicing ninja moves after they watch it)? and 3. (And this is the most important one) Can I tolerate it?

With these three factors in mind, here is my good list:

1.  Little Einsteins.  Here are the reasons I like it:  First of all, it uses classical music and famous works of art to create the adventures the kids go on.  For example, there is an episode using the music from Stravinsky's "Firebird Suite" and traditional Russian dolls.  As a musician, I love the idea of my 3-year-old humming Stravinsky around the house.  Secondly, Tyler loves it.  When the kids say, "Okay, everybody pat your knees with the beat!" Tyler pats his knees with the beat.  When Leo says, "Let's conduct this music piano, Tyler conducts.  I'm not trying to turn my kids into musicians, but you have to admit it's kind of awesome.  The two problems with the show are that a lot of the music is synthesized, and the little girl, Annie, who is supposed to be the good singer, can't carry a tune in a bucket.  But I like what it teaches my kids, it makes my kids more interested in classical music and art, and I don't feel like ripping my ears off or gouging out my eyes when it's on.

2.   Phineas and Ferb.  Okay, so it's not that it's all that educational.  But it's hilarious. I don't just tolerate it, I watch it with the kids.  And if we're looking for redeeming educational qualities, it does promote creativity and the benefits of inventing.  Also, Dr. Doofenschmirtz always loses, and he's the bad guy.  And who can't love a show that inspires your 6-year-old to sing, "Nostrils on the Bus" during breakfast?

3.  Blue's Clues.  This may seem surprising to some, because about 4 months ago I was ready to gouge out my eyeballs and rip off my ears because my kids were watching this show.  But it grew on me.  Yes, Steve's "walking" through the green screen house is a little ridiculous, and yes, his dance moves could use a little work. But it is a show Tyler will sit down and watch, and then remember.  One day, after watching a show about building things, he came to me and asked if we could build a contraption together.  It took me a minute to figure out that he was saying contraption, but the point is that he was inspired to do something productive after watching the show.  It is a very gentle show.  There is no yelling or fighting or being rude.  It's all about learning and having fun.  And, after I got over the fact that the songs were running through my head at 1am, I got used to them, and they're not too bad.  The problems I have are that Joe replaced Steve, and he's just not the same.  He tries too hard.  And when Joe came, suddenly Blue's gender changed.  But overall, it's a show I encourage over others around here.

4. Pocoyo. Stephen Fry is the narrator.  Need I say more?  I will.  Each episode is only 7 minutes long.  So no matter how ridiculous the story is, it's over soon.

5. Shaun the Sheep/Timmy Time  I'm putting these into the same paragraph.  They're cute and funny and it's hard to be obnoxious when it's just little animal sounds.  I don't know how educational they are, but they sure are entertaining.

And now a quick list of shows I detest:
1.  Barney.  Why he has teenagers dancing and singing on a show aimed at 2-year-olds is beyond me. Barney did save our bacon when we were driving to Utah from Mississippi, because it was the only thing our 2-year-old would watch for more than 5 minutes without getting bored and screaming. But really, mostly it just kind of makes me squirm and feel embarrassed for the kids in it, because I'm pretty sure they're getting their butts kicked at school every day.

2.  Special Agent Oso. Oh Disney, what have you done?  Instead of continuing to show My Friends, Tigger and Pooh, they got rid of it and kept Special Agent Oso.  What bugs me the most is that the whole premise of the show is kids who need help doing basic tasks and aren't getting help from their parents.  One of the episodes was about a kid whose family is heading out on vacation, and the mom tells him to pack.  Then she tells him he's got 2 minutes to get it done, and he has no idea how to fit his stuff in the suitcase.  So along comes obnoxious Agent Oso, who, incidentally, has no clue either, and the mom is off doing whatever while her son is struggling to pack his suitcase.  Also, it's annoying.

3. Pretty much anything on Nickelodeon  We have tried streaming several different shows, and all of them are loud, crass, and usually kind of violent.  I like Sponge Bob, but it's not something I can handle in larger doses than one episode every other week or so.  Most of their shows aren't educational at all, involve behavior I don't want my kids to imitate, and I want to tear my hair out when they are on.

There you have it. I'm just telling you what I think. Every family has different tastes and criteria for what they watch. But, since I like to spout off about TV so much, I'm spouting off on kids' shows today.

Okay.  I'm a little cranky.  I haven't gotten a lot of sleep recently, and that makes me grouchy.  But I just have a beef I'd like to discuss.

You know when you go to a restaurant, order something, LOVE it, devour it, and it becomes your go-to meal when you're at that restaurant? And you have other friends that also love that dish, and you have a great time eating it and talking about how much you love that food?  And then you go out to eat with a friend, you recommend it because you love it so much, and they order it, and then tell you it's disgusting?  And then you start to question your own taste, because what if it is gross, and you've been eating something nasty over and over again, and there's something wrong with you for loving it.  And then the friend that thinks it's gross joins with different friends in telling you your very favorite meal is disgusting and they would never recommend it to anyone.  Then, when you're at the restaurant the next time, you want to order that meal, because it's just what you're in the mood for, and all you can think about is those friends that thought it was awful, and maybe you should just stop eating that meal, even though it's one of the few things you can count on to cheer you up and make you happy.

And this is why you should never, EVER recommend a book you absolutely and positively adore for book group.

What you need to know

For the past 3 years or so, I have headed up a neighborhood book group.  We have read all kinds of books, from "Twilight" to "Jane Eyre" to "The Help."  We've covered sad books, cheerful books, old books, new books, crappy books, and confusing books.  It's fantastic.  When it comes time to figure out what we're reading next, we all throw titles out, and we come up with a list for the next few months.  I have suggested "Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging" every time, and I've gotten some looks.  Yes, it sounds like a naughty, horrible book.  And in the 3 years of books, we still haven't done it for book group.  Until this month. I put my foot down.  I became an evil dictator for a minute and told the ladies in book group that we are reading it.  This is why:

1.   It's winter (despite what the beautiful weather might tell you).  Christmas is over. We are done looking forward to all the delicious and naughty and guilt-free eating.  Now comes January and February, where we look down at our tummies and think of all that guilt-free eating and feel guilty and a little bummed at all the exercise that's ahead of us.  Don't you think it's the right time for a pick-me-up?  What's better than the musings of a 14-year-old British girl?

2.  It's freakin' hilarious. There are some who will read it, roll their eyes, and say to themselves, "What was Rachel thinking?"  It may not be for everyone.  But I haven't met those people yet.  I'm not saying everyone in book group will love it.  But it's so stinking funny.  So it's hard for me to imagine people not liking it.

3.  There's a British/American glossary in the back.  And it will add to your vocabulary.  You can learn phrases like "double cool with knobs!"

4.  It's important to try new books.  So try it.

Book group is January 31st at 8:15 at my house.  Come share why you were glad you read it.

TV to laugh at

I sit on the couch nursing a baby a lot right now, and that's how I justify the amount of TV I watch these days.  I have a few notes on what's on TV these days:

1.  I'm pretty sure Tyra Banks is getting crazier every day.  I haven't read her book, "Modelland" , but I read all about it.  And this week's episode of America's Next Top Model was all about her book.  Instead of a photo shoot, the contestants had to do a "fashion movie" that was based on Tyra's fabulous new novel.  It was completely insane.  One girl was dressed as a cat, one was rubbing a toothbrush all over her face while crying, one was spraying whipped cream in her mouth (while Tyra told her not to be provocotive--hah!), one girl was sorting through the trash, and so on.  It was hilarious in a werewolves in Breaking Dawn kind of way.  I'm pretty sure Tyra was dead serious about her film.  I wonder, when I watch this stuff, if those contestants are rolling their eyes away from the camera, and thinking, Whatever it takes to get that money and TV time.  One word:  cuckoo!

2.  The Office has kind of tanked, although last night's episode got some laughs.  It was Tim and my go-to for a good laugh, and it's just not the same anymore.  After being told by everyone we know for ages that Modern Family was awesome and funny and not overly offensive, we finally started on Season One.  Boy, were those friends right.  It is HILARIOUS.  You know a show is great when you can't pin down who the best character is, because they're all so dang good.  (I admit, Cameron is my favorite, although the rest are great, too.)  So now Modern Family is our go-to for a good laugh.  Of course, it's not on streaming yet, so we have to wait around for the discs from Netflix, so we can only go to it on the days it's at our house.

3.  Does anyone else remember the show "Malcolm in the Middle"?  I watched it here and there when I was in college, and thought it was funny, but didn't get that into it. Now, as a mom of 3 boys, I find it much funnier and extremely entertaining.  It's available on streaming, which means it's our other go-to for funny TV when we're doing the dishes or folding the laundry. One of my favorite lines from Lois:  "Sometimes you have to yell.  It's the only way they'll listen."  Amen.

So, funny TV. I love it.

Not sure what to say

I went to Breaking Dawn Part One last night.  I went in having read the book so there were no surprises when it came to the storyline. So, as always, I will list my likes and dislikes of the movie.


Likes
1. The wedding and honeymoon.  I remember, when reading the book, wondering how in the world they were going to get parts of it on film and keep the rating under an R.  And apparently, it took the filmmakers quite a bit of effort to keep it at PG-13.  If you look at my review of the book you will find that one of my least favorite parts of the book was the overdone wedding and honeymoon section, because it took FOREVER to get through all the descriptions.  For some reason, however, the first 30 minutes of the movie were my favorite part.  The setting for the wedding was beautiful.  The filmmakers clearly had their target audience in mind when they selected the dresses, the decor, the music, and even the shoes.  The speeches added humor and started the film with a nice, light mood.  The honeymoon scenes, as naughty as they could have been, were pretty tastefully done, thanks to the editing department (see interviews done after the actors finished shooting it--apparently things were getting out of hand and they managed to clean it up a lot).  Bella's attempts to seduce Edward after he nixed anymore...encounters, shall we say...were funny and sweet.  Kind of weird that the part I liked the least in the book ended up being so much better in the movie.

2.  Edward's appearance.  I think Rob Pattinson finally hit puberty, or maybe all that hanging out with Taylor Lautner inspired him to hit the gym.  He seems to have filled out a bit.  I don't know if it's just that the wardrobe department figured out how to dress him better.  Maybe it's a combination of both.  And his hair, for the first time, didn't look like a gel-covered rat's nest.  They seemed to have backed off on the white makeup, too, thankfully.  It was the first time he looked remotely attractive to me.  It was a nice change.

3.  They made fun of the name Renesmee.  Thank you.

4.  I got to see a preview for The Hunger Games movie, which looks promising.

5. I was with my friends, and it's always great to have a friend sitting by you that laughs at the same things as you, and will tolerate the snarky comments that you throw at them throughout the movie.

Dislikes
1.  Oh, those wolves.  There are some things that just don't work on film.  Like a showdown between werewolves that only communicate psychically.  What it reminded me of was watching a Japanese anime movie with really bad dubbing, only instead of their mouths moving, the wolves were snarling and baring their teeth.  The fact that it was meant to be one of the most dramatic parts of the movie and the entire audience was laughing instead made me wonder how something that horribly bad made it to the theater.  I'm wondering if, like the publishers for the Twilight book series, the movie producers figured they'd make a gazillion bucks no matter what garbage they put on the screen.  (They were right, of course, although I'm not going back for a second screening.)

2.  What the heck was going on with Emmett's hair?  He just looked weird the whole time.  He used to be the hottest Cullen, but I was kind of disturbed by his appearance this time.  I wonder if they realized that he was outshining Edward in the hotness department, so they deliberately made him look funny.

3.  Speaking of hair, I missed Alice's spiky fun 'do.  I don't like change.

4.  The baby delivery scene was gross.  And I've been there in person three times now.  I just kept thinking, Please wipe off that baby (that looked like it was 9 months old).  Please clean off the gore now.  It was disgusting.  I know they were going for realism, but realistically, the reason they have all those towels is to clean up that baby as soon as it's out, so no one has to get covered in goo.  And they just wouldn't wipe off poor Renesmee.  And Edward, while you're at it, just wipe off your mouth really quick.  I had no problem with screaming (been there), grunting, cutting her open, and sound effects as the baby comes out.  But just clean things up afterwards.  Please.

5.  Did I mention the wolves?

6.  After Bella got pregnant, the whole movie got really angsty and gloomy.  There was just no humor.  There was some cheese, a lot of Edward trying to look upset, and a LOT of Bella looking like death slightly warmed over.  (Kind of like the book, but on the screen it was just worse.)  There needed to be moments of levity to break up all the bleakness.  And lameness.

There you have it, folks.   Just a note.  My husband just informed me that Breaking Dawn made $72 million yesterday.  So what I just said here doesn't really matter all that much, if we're being honest.  A franchise is a franchise.  I'm not going to be going back for a second theater viewing.  I think I'll stay home and watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 again instead.